First thing first, this is not ST who is writing this post, instead, it’s his dad who is in the pilot seat this time. Now, you guys read it on your own risk coz there might be so many things which will not be to your liking, plus this is going to be a long post coz I feel it would not be possible to clearly describe the terms of auction and highlights of the item to be auctioned in concise. Then, I am really a fair and transparent man and don’t want to hide some thing and keep the scope for blame game later on. Needless to say, think twice rather thrice before commenting, coz that will include you in the list of interested contenders.
You might ask, how did I manage to hack his blogger account, but that’s no brainer actually, coz I simply told him that otherwise I am gonna register a parallel blog and make sure that I write a post every day. You might also ask, how the hell did I come up with this idea but that is also a no brainer, coz it is the best place to post this kind of advert as that is where I have the brightest possibility of finding an equally moronic, bird brained blockhead (like ST) who will be interested in this type of auction. (If you do not agree to this point, ask any sensible person that why do people blog and I am sure he/she won’t be able to answer that). Also, If you are single, you need to make sure that your parents do not get a slightest idea of this and if you are already married and parent of a PITA (click on link if you don’t know what I am talking about), then you might use an idea or two from here.
To start with, let us get into a little background. There is an old song, Aadmi jo kahta hai, aadmi jo karta hai, zindagi bhar vo sadaye peecha karti hai (whatever we say and do, follows us for the whole life) and to be honest, some times I feel that the song was written with me in the mind of the lyricist. Or probably he made the same mistake which I did. No prize for guessing what mistake I am talking about. Around 30 years back, I made this blunder and the end result is here... Still following me no matter how and what I try to flee off. That is why, after much consideration and thought processing, I am taking this initiative to arrange an auction.
The terms are quite different from regular auctions, as here the lowest bidder with the least counter terms will be the winner. Shipping charges will be incurred by us (with pleasure), maintenance charges for first 3 months will be paid by us in terms of not exceeding to “xx” INR, payable in advance and lump sum as per mutual agreement. There is no such list as claim or warranty terms as that is ABSOLUTELY not available.
1) The item here is a 30 something creature from the male species of the human races. However, he firmly believes, age is just a number and that has nothing to do with sharing the responsibilities, making sensible decisions or talks, do the things which human beings usually do (like marriage, kids, being social in relations and society etc. to name a few).
2) When it comes to the tasks like cleaning up his own room, participate in family matters and sharing the household responsibilities like going to market for grocery or other shopping, his opinion about certain decisions etc., you can expect as much share as from a 3 year old.
3) Though the creature mentioned here is working currently but has a strong longing towards retirement as soon as a suitable caretaker is found. The term suitable means, one who can pay his car installment (not to mention, these will keep on changing as soon as he gets bored of current one which happens whenever a new model appears in market), fuel cost, shopping bills, three annual vacations (lavish) etc. The detailed list can be checked in annexure –I here or obtained on request.
4) He has a brother, though duly settled in his life with wife and kid but shares same feelings about the retirement and caretaker can thus expect 3 new add-ons to the original item auctioned any fine morning.
5) Shopping to him means, buying a shirt or trouser with same shade of green or red or black or any color for that matter for 999th time, get his hands on latest gadgets and any other thing which has a circuit or gear in it.
6) He firmly believes in the brand values and thus only branded clothes, shoes, shades, music system, phones etc. will do for him. However, when it comes for the shopping for other person (not to be done by him of course), he has a very liberal attitude as he also believes in Shakespeare (“Whats in name”) and obviously when the label /tag of the brand is usually found inside of attire, not visible to others, why to pay extra bucks from your hard earned money (your = caretaker, see he is such a caring sweetheart) for a damn label.
7) Watching TV means, putting it on mute while changing channels in every millisecond, and the music system playing the current favorite in full blast. During all this time, the creature will actually be reading a newspaper or book.
8) Listening to music means what is his favorite, which keeps on changing as you blink the eyes, in repeat mode for n number of times (no number can do justice here so let us stick to ‘n’). He is still searching for the music system (BOSE is preferred) which can play just the particular piece of a song in repeat mode.
9) If you hear hysterical sounds at 2 AM in night like some one is laughing while rolling on floor, there is nothing to worry about as the creature will be actually watching re-run of FRIENDS for 555th time or watching Jab We Met for 555555th time.
10) Expecting him to cook will strictly mean to boiling water, make coffee and in worst case, prepare Maggi. Nevertheless, cleaning up the mess in kitchen then after will not be included in cooking.
11) A battery operated automatic stapler with 5 or more gears (even god almighty will have a hard time in finding out the role of those gears) or a Bluetooth toy car operated by mobile phone (didn’t I say about the belief that age is just a number and then as we all know men are the same like kids – only older - and usually prefer more expensive toys) are the gifts which you can expect from him as your birthday present and it should be adequate enough without any nagging. In case when he doesn’t really need any such thing, best wishes alone should suffice.
12) Telling him to shave even once in a month is as big offence as asking Elizabeth Taylor, why she divorced his eighth husband? So you dare not bring up this subject and its suggested to develop a liking towards shaggy beards.
13) Sleeping at 3 and waking up at 10 is absolutely perfect timings and these can be stretched for 2-3 hours in special occasions like weekends, holidays and may be as per his mood (not more than 4-5 times a week). However, he is very particular about the diets, especially the breakfast (as that is the most important meal of the day) and expects it to be ready as soon as he is out of bed. Preference will be given to the caretaker who can derive some way to open up his mouth without disturbing the sleep and slip the breakfast in without him stirring up.
14) Its advisable to get the food list approved for 1 week in advance, as he is very particular about it.
Those are the core highlights of the item to be auctioned and you can express your interest by commenting to this post and we will immediately arrange the shipping within next 24 hours of signing the papers. As mentioned item will be auctioned on “as and where available” basis and can be inspected 24x7 hours for 365 days. The auction will be on first come first serve basis and the detailed list of features and terms can be obtained on request.
Happy bidding !!
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i would say thats a quite innovative way of arranging a 21st century "swayamvaram" :P
ST...Whats this?Vinnie ..u were right in choosing him as the 'Laziest Blogger'...ST..we(gang)are eagerly looking forward for your comment in this post :-)
sawan - any takers around ;)
scrawler - now what can I say.. its all said and public how I am :(
ST saab...i know of somebody who is interested...but like u she too is lazy !!!
vaise iradha kya hain??? do kadam Sawan saar se age nikle tum to :):)
Scrawler, hehhehehhehehehhe!!!
@vins....do nahi...balki chaar kadam !i thot bhaarat matrimony was the only platform...now blog space has overtaken Bharath matrimony!!
ST....one suggestion..its time to change ur blog url
www.wedlockbubble.blogspot.com
:P
Hahahahaha :D
Blog pe shaadi.com shuru!
Oh!! Your son loves JAB WE MET?? Even i Watch it.. Your son, if you pester him to marry, might run away from the house.. But don't worry... There is a GEET waiting for him @ Railway Station and the bachelor will be back with MARRIED- as marital status
vin - which gal we are talking about my dear.. and please address all questions to me.. not my blockhead son :)
ki and scrawler - I didnt expect you to be so discouraging ;)
Karthik - I need your dad's number my child :)
ST's dad :))
OMG...
What an auction?
Any takers yet?
Did you get any calls? [;)]
she wants to talk to the 'real dad', u see she's got some clarifications on this product...vaise papa ko yeh URL bhejo pehle, pakka se tumhari desperation nazar ayegi :) :)
Scrawler, i feel ST has gobe way beyond..our Sawan saar cannot compete anymore!!
ek pic ki hi kami thi...woh bhi hain mere post par:))
@vins...shall we send our Hero to this 'guru' for training? :D
aye vin and scrawler - agar hero ko mere pass training ke liye bheja and usne aisa koi post likh diya to bechare kis shaadi hote hote break ho jayegi :)))
@ ST's dad...nicely done...good luck to you sir :)
Dear Sir,
OMG! what have you done??? I was almost considering your son in the earlier posts but thank you for the shocker, I just can't afford this high maintenance.
P.S: ST - no thanks for the smiles :)
hahaha!!
& ST's dad, he resembles all the characteristics of grown up 'MALE' .. and all these signs are a signal to u to get him a 'bhatinda vali ladiki' as soon as possible...
(he will be ok within a year ...
i assure u ..experience do sometime speak )
If not for some 3-4 points, I would have thought that my dad's auctioning me :). Let me know what price ST fetches and I'll calibrate it to my own worth.
Nice indeed.
//Karthik - I need your dad's number my child :)//
hello Heloo.. Kya?? Couldn't hear you... heloooooooooo... Sorry.. network prob.. I'll ping later... ssssssssssss