How to wreck your Sunday in 3 easy steps…
1) Wake up
2) Find a theater near you.
3) Watch the first show of “Kambhakht Ishq”

For better results, try going along with a hardcore Akshaya Kumar fan. All the more good, if that person is your wifey or girl in your life.

Rest assured, for the whole day you will be in a peculiar state of wooziness, palpitations, agitation, spasm, anguishes… Okay, I guess you got the idea. Some of you might also get a mild suffering of insomnia for next couple of days but research shows that though there are no medicines for it but the good news is, it’s a temporary situation and the best way to come out is to think healthy and try to distract your mind by forgetting about that distressful day.

Same therapy (read steps) can be used for several other causes as well. To name a few…

1) Vengeance guide for dummies Well in this case you will have to gift the ticket to your enemy ( mind you, “ENEMY” not “husband”)
2) What you should not do if you are in film industry.
3) The idiots guide to break up with your beau.
4) How to get a severe headache in 3 easy steps.

Now the good part is, once you are done with the exercise, you will be an all new, improved, super shakti vala insaan (man with super powers), confident enough to go watch any damn movie. For the simple reason, come what may, no one can bloody make a worse movie than this... so in any case, the odds will be in your favor!

Till then!! Keep singing… Bebo main bebo, dil mera le lo… @#!%^$#


Its only human to wish more…
We often see chained mails already floating around the corners, posted on blogs, but I am not really a big fan of that. To me, blogging is more about my own experiences and views towards any and every unimportant and insignificant thing around me. However, a few days back, one of my friends sent me some stuff, claiming it to be the original requests from various employees in company, made to the Facilities and Housekeeping. Now I must admit that I was actually ROFLing while reading this and thus couldn’t help but break my rule for not posting the forwarded stuff.

Before posting it, I tried to search on almighty Google to check if its just another forwarded email but no such sign, so I hope this is not the case and most of you have not read it already…

Oh, another thing I couldn’t help was to add “My Take” on these innocent and original requests. So here it goes…

*Request Detail* - I especially came in early to prepare for a meeting but hah, such a waste of time.. WHY on earth my pedestal is locked? I needed my documents in there now!! Any clue why my voicemail has been disabled??? I am just lucky that my laptop is still working, so you can get this request and have it timed that I actually came in early.

Oh, apologies… Please disregard my previous message? I was actually at the wrong aisle and desk.

*My Take* - Never mind dude! In fact, thanks you didn’t blame them for not providing an escort on door. After all you go there just daily… so quite understandable that you forgot!

*Request Details* - The Whiteboard given to our team is so big. Is it possible to replace it with a smaller one? We do not really have enough work to fill it completely and then it gives false impression about our performance.

*My Take* - So very innocent of you but if your team leader knows this?

*Request Details* - Wall clock in the conference room seems to need new batteries. I am quite sure it was not just me who imagined time had stopped, and trust me meeting wasn't that boring.

*My Take* - You know my friend, I was once in your shoes too (Remember kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thee), so while I can feel your pain but unfortunately there is not much that can be done about it!!

*Request Details* - Since I have come back from my vacation, I am unable to find my chair. Seems somebody has stolen it and then there is no spare one with both of the arms in place, working pushback and a decent cushion (To be precise, one that hasn't been eaten by hungry programmers!)

*My Take* - Thanks, now at least they have another reason to close down the office cafeteria.

*Request Details* - XYZ’s lips have turned blue and he looks very tired. It seems to me the secondary stage of hypothermia. Is there any chance to get the heating turned up (even switching it on would be a good start).

*My Take*- Oh that seems fair but then you must remember Mr. Darwin’s theory “Survival of the fittest”, so they might be just trying to train you for the sore conditions.

*Request Details* - The left wall in the men’s loo on 1st floor appears to have gathered a wide collection of what I can only imagine as boggy or some other nostril fungus. It has already been few weeks, so its safe to assume that either the cleaners are not doing the duties, or someone has a very regular habit with a great ability to shape his bogies to the same size and designs.

*My Take* - Okay for once, no comments.. but some nice observation and imagination you have!!

*Request Details* - Male Toilet on 2nd floor is freezing. The obvious functions for what a person usually goes there cannot be normally performed in such low temperature as there is a danger of freezing and body parts falling off. (Watch Terminator – 2 for reference) Can anything be done apart from waiting for winter to end?

*My Take* - Now this is a valid and genuine request. At least one should be able to do those normal functions in peace :)

*Request Details* - The Coffee pot in pantry 2 has a large crack and I am afraid its ready to explode in my hands, cruelly spreading boiled water all over me, leaving me unable to perform to best of my potential and thus endangering future of company.

*My Take* - This is due to you my dear friend why the company and the whole country have managed to survive. If it was not you where would they have been!!

*Request Details* - Is there any provision for footrest on desks? My feet dangle if I try to sit properly on the chair.

*My Take* - To start with, how do you manage to sit? Ladder? Or two escorts?

And the winner is –

*Request Details* - The 2nd stall in the Gents toilets on top floor has no lock from several weeks. I am afraid of running out of songs to sing. Could you please either get that thing fixed or may be provide a lyrics book from 90’s hits.

*My Take* - but why do you need to spend that much time there, ain’t you provided with a cubical as well?

1) Bought a Brylcreem and a fevikwik (can’t help it, they spell it like that only) and gave 50 bucks to the guy on counter.
2) Waiting…
3) Nothing.. zilch.. dud!
4) Started taping on counter on my imaginary bongo while trying to be a nice and patient customer, instead of messing up with him to hurry up.
5) Guy looking in my eyes with quizzical look.
6) Change!
7) Smiling… you gotta be kidding, you give me another 2 bucks.
8) Wat!!
9) Yes sir…
10) Damn!

Hell, where exactly this country is going… 50 Rs. used to be a big amount man!!

P.S. - Now If you are wondering about this strange combination of Brylcreem and Fevikwik, then let me tell you the top secret gharelu nuskha (home remedy) to prepare a perfect hair gel to attain that perfect hairstyle.

P.P.S.– Try this nuskha on your own risk. Blog writer takes no responsibility and cannot be held accountable for the results per se the actions taken with the information provided here. After all it depends on your hair type, tolerance level, belief in remedy and 9933488 other factors…


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