It was a usual morning with the usual rants I start as soon as I open the eyes. But then…

While getting ready for the office, I chose to decide that me don’t have enough clothes to wear! Everything looked like it was worn yesterday only. The matter needed some immediate attention but looking at the past track record, I was sure to be doomed if taken an action without having a guardian angel to support the cause.

Whom should I approach first! Mum seems the safest bet in such cases. Even if she doesn’t support, the chances of her exploding are almost equal to Mr. Prime Minister daring to say ‘No’ to Madam.

Me - Mom, I think we need to do something about it.
Mum – about what?
Me – Umm… I have nothing to wear. Every morning I feel like the beggar on road.
Mum – hahahha hahahaaaha ha ha haho hohohooh hahahahah

You are too funny at times.. ain’t you?

Forget it.. I am sure Dad will understand!

Me – Dad, have you noticed lately that I wear almost same clothes every day.
Dad – Hmmm???

He is in habit of retorting with this long Hmm when a matter is not worth commenting in his opinion. Of course he listens in the first time itself but responds with this long hmm to make other person understand that they don’t need to discuss it again for a pretty good number of days.

But a jerk that I am

Me - I don’t have any half decent clothes so…
Dad – So you mean all we have in that garret is rags, or shall I say cast-offs? Isn’t that a more appropriate word?

Oh this store… We have a small room on the mezzanine of first floor which contains nothing but a closet, some shelves and an iron board and wherever you look, you will see... well, my clothes.

Now we do have wardrobes but I prefer to use it for other stuff like old books, dirty clothes, extra chargers, junk electronics, scrabble, PSP and 9823457 other things, but that story, some other time.

Anyways, I knew where it was going so I turned to wifey but even before I could start

She – You know I tried to iron some of your T-shirts yesterday. Do you want me to tell Mom the exact number of Tee’s I did and then the ones which are still pending.
Me – Oh my god! Whatever happened to those 7 promises you made at the time of marriage? Dint it say something like supporting the husband in good and bad, right or wrong and some crap like that.
She – waved off!

So folks… Here I am, wearing a torn Jeans and faded red Tee. Back to the point from where I started the morning… Rants!


You are cordially invited…

How long does it take to read a news paper these days? To me, reading the local paper is 10 minutes which includes classifieds, tenders, obituaries, name change declaration and yes, the so called news as well. But then there are some stories which would have been more appropriate for some kind of hall of fame section. If not the stories, then characters in the stories certainly are.

Few days back, I saw a headline about a theft for some 10,00,000 bucks. On first look, I felt sorry for the poor fellow who was out of city for 2 days and got swept off in the absence. However, as I went further the emotions changed. The poor (brains not the pocket) fellow left the home while around two hundred thousand in cash and rest as jewelry were tucked in a regular cupboard in his bedroom. Wow! Not even a safe, regular cupboard. Icing on the cake, the keys was placed on the top of cupboard itself.. Come on dude, what is it? Some consummate utopia? Or you were trying to play hidden treasure with the robbers? Okay, the law and order should be there but it won’t harm in taking some precaution. No?

Quite an innovative way to invite the troubles and misfortune… huh!


I am really in a shitty mood from last couple of days. Don’t know why so don’t bother to ask, but I see am livid and irritated with any and every one around me. Ever heard and seen a fuming-angry dragon breath-fire or witnessed really big volcanic eruptions? Yep, you got it!

Needless to say, the guys in office are the blessed ones to get it in abundance but not only that, I am like infuriated with every damn thing around me. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Don’t want to socialize (hah, when did I feel like that anyways?). Can’t tolerate movies, not that they make even half decent movies these days but there were times when I could even watch a Mithun Da flick. Have a confirmed booking for vacation in Sikkim during Christmas, but feel like cancelling it every now and then. As obvious, I don’t feel like writing anymore and no, its not that bloody writer’s block coz I have hell of pointless stuff to blah blah about and then I don’t really think of myself as a writer, let alone their blocks.

Work used to be something where I never ever had any problems. Come what may, but business and office always kept me absorbed and devoted, but looking again, its no more fun these days. This is more of an obligation than passion. You know what, sometimes I feel like leaving everything aside and running far away. I think with my experience and qualification, whatever I have, I would get a job for waiter or probably a cab driver somewhere in a remote and peaceful place like may be Diu. See, what is the bloody point of working 14 hours a day? When you reach back to home in night, you are eating those 2 cold chapattis all alone. Now please spare the comments section and don’t start the gyan that probably I need to relook and try to balance out the things coz no, I can’t bloody do that. You know, Business is like a mouse trap. Once you are in, you are trapped. You cannot pull back coz once you start bossing around you cannot get your ass into a job where someone else is bossing you. You cannot stand still with costs rising everyday and competition ready to eat you up. All you can do is keep moving ahead somehow and that is the only way to survive. Ever seen a cricket in spider web or someone in marsh? More you try to come out, all the more trapped you are. That is business for you darling.

Of course there are perks but is it really worth? Its peace that we need in life, not a rollercoaster ride of stress every day. Happiness, which cannot come with the materialistic things in life. A few days back, I asked dad, let us buy a new TV, may be a 42” LCD or something and though he said yes but asked just one question. In last two months how many hours I have actually spent watching TV. I think it won’t come up to 24 hours in total but guess we try to distract ourselves with such things and try to find happiness in places where we are most unlikely to find it.

It ain’t any use writing pages on how I am feeling and am sure no one cares anyways but hell, its my place after all.

Finally, a little Trivia – As it shows “Bloody” is my favorite word these days, exceeding the uses by 99 times a day and 2 times in a sentence.


The so called weekend…
Saturday, 12 Sep. 2009 – 4.00 PM Evening

Trying to wrap up the pending stuff, for a change let us go home early.

Skype Window appears on screen! XYZ calling…

The outer self (OS) - Shit!! Not now… Should I pick it… or should I not..
The inner self (IS) - You were supposed to go early Maheep..
OS - Come on, it won’t take more than 5 minutes.. its just a simple and innocent follow up call.. let us pick it.
IS - You kid me not!
OS - Its recession time… not a good idea to ignore when opportunity is knocking your door.

OS wins, picked up the call

XYZ – Hey Maheep, whats up. Hope I am not disturbing you on a weekend.
Me – Hey! Its okay, I am in office anyways.
XYZ – Great. I won’t take much time of yours, its just that I presented your proposal to the management and they are asking for some more details. Something more solid!
Me – And that is?
XYZ – Well, some kind of project plan, your suggestions to improve the overall productivity, how can you add value to the project, things like that. You know the typical management stuff to shut them up.
Me – And you don’t need it now, right?
XYZ – Ah, not now, I understand its weekend, but we are looking forward to make a decision by Monday, so some thing by Monday morning our time.
Me – Hmm

Hung up the call

OS – Fuck!
IS – Evil laugh. Don’t blame me sweetheart.
OS – Will you keep your bloody mouth shut?
IS – Wateve.. its your life.. your weekend…

Spent the whole evening working on relationship diagrams, flow charts, a brief presentation and n number of other supporting documents.

Saturday, 12 Sep. 2009 – 11.00 PM Evening

OS - Let us call it a day. Just the write-up thing is pending and I can handle it tomorrow.
IS – Excuse me but I think you promised wifey to go shopping on this Sunday
OS – I know, you moron. But this is not gonna take more than 2 hours. Got the whole day for other things.
IS – As if I don’t know you!
OS – Din’t I just tell you to keep your bloody mouth shut!
IS – :(

Sunday, 13 Sep. 2009 – 03.00 PM Noon

Neha – I thought you were going to office.
Me – Hmm??
Neha – Office? Ain’t you supposed to move your lazy ass from this couch and get ready?
Me – Reluctantly Hmm

Sunday, 13 Sep. 2009 – 05.30 PM Evening

Finally in office. Trying to work on the document when my friend Raj makes an appearance

Me – Argh!

Sunday, 13 Sep. 2009 – 8.00 PM Evening

Raj – chal bye then, bohat time kharab kar liya (Okay, see ya then, already wasted so much time)
Me - :)

Sunday, 13 Sep. 2009 – 10.00 PM Evening

Finished the stuff, clubbed everything. Trying to clean up the extra files…

Being an IT Professional, speed is the key. And we don’t believe in deleting the files via Recycle Bin. It has to be wiped out. So Shift + Delete.

Like they say! Speed thrills… but kills… and very next moment.


Shit! Fuck!!! Shit!

Now what??? Remember… recession time. It has to go today… Monday is already jammed so no use postponing it.

Sunday, 13 Sep. 2009 – 12.15 AM Mid Night

Finished again… Reviewed carefully… Sent email!

Somehow crawled to car, drove home. Wifey’s face expression suggests, not the best time to present the case so better go to sleep.

Monday, 14 Sep. 2009 – 10.00 AM Morning

New Mail from XYZ

Dear Maheep

Thanks a lot for your intensive proposal and project plan. We really appreciate the efforts you have put in to work on this but I am afraid, management has decided to go ahead with a local company from US.

Thanks again for your time and we look forward to work with you in future.




Monday, 14 Sep. 2009 – 4.00 PM Evening

Skype window appears….

Such is life.. sach main nobody dies virgin!!!


Its Rocking
Though I must admit that I am on the atyachari (tormentor) side in this video but nonetheless its a harsh reality and awesomely rocking. Njoy guys and have a break...

Source -

Cheers !!
When I started this business long back, one of the first employees I hired was R. He was not a qualified engineer or exceptionally bright candidate, but yes, very dedicated and sincere. The salary I could offer him at that time was peanuts to be honest, but he never really complained about it. Looking back, it might be due to the lack of his degree and very limited options in software development field in the city but okay, that is not the point of discussion here.

As the time passed by, the company grew, and so did the salaries and number of employees. I figured out that despite all motivation, better working environment and other facilities, company was now offering, R was somehow unable to cope with the increasing pressure, emerging technologies and customer’s exigencies. As a senior member in team, I expected him to be responsible, initiative and reliable but it turned out that chances of him screwing up were directly proportional to the seriousness of the matter. In other words, if a client is growling on certain issue and we are the defaulters, I could always rely on R to make the matters worse.

We spoke about these things several times coz I accept it or not but somehow I had a soft corner for him. He supported us by not switching over the jobs and working in the odd conditions when the single most important thing we needed was stability from employees in those unearthly conditions. Every time we spoke, he used to pick mistakes in others but never wanted to improve his own self. I warned him so many times as things were literally going over my head, almost everyone in the team was unhappy with his attitude, bossism and peculiar ideas. The day came when I issued the last warning followed by sacking him from the job. It was not a pleasant moment but in a way it had a positive effect on the team. The message was clear, if R can be dismissed, no one is safe and instead of sticking to government employees kind of attitude, they need to prove their worth if they want to stay in the company.

Every thing was fine, well almost, until one day, R called back asking for a meeting. What followed up was a long discussion with him accepting all of the mistakes, willing to improve and requesting for just one chance on any cost. I usually have a rule to never take an employee back once they move out, be it from my side or theirs. So I did with him.

Another week passed by and he called up again. Almost crying, requesting for another chance, even willing to work without pay for a month or so and then proving his worth. Now at this moment I am in a quandary. The gut feelings say, things have changed for good after his dismissal and I should keep it like that. On other hand, when I think of his family, the school going kid and other problems in his life, I think of giving him another chance. So far instincts are winning, let us see what comes next..

In any case feeling better after writing it out!!


Rakhi especial
Disclaimer – The Hindi Script here has nothing to do with my previous post :) Its just that the essence of these few lines can be felt with Hindi only, though I have tried to provide the translations as well. So here we go…

Scene Setup

Around 12.30 in night, every body is asleep apart from few whispering members in the family.

A 25 some thing boy,
Girl – cousin of the boy, in same age group
An elderly lady – around 48, mother of the girl and "Chachi" (aunt) of the boy

Boy is trying hard to say some thing but voice quavering, as the deep sentiments takes over every time

Boy - चाची हम से कोई प्यार नहीं करता... (Aunt, no body loves me)

Girl is looking at the boy with quizzical expression on face, Lady is waiting for more to come…

Boy – बड़े भैया पापा के लाडले हैं, मंझले भैया माँ के, हम कहाँ जाए चाची... (The eldest brother is Dad’s favorite and younger to him is favorite of mom.. where do I go, aunt)

Every body else in the room is unable to speak… some of them chocked with emotions and some of them, plain afraid of loosing control of roaring laughter

Boy - चाची तुम हमें अपना बेटा बना लो चाची.. तुम में हमें अपनी माँ नज़र आती है चाची.. (Aunt, I see my mother in you.. I want to be your son)
Lady Finally speaks – अरे तो तुम मेरे बेटे ही तो हो, कैसी बातें कर रहे हो.. (Yeah dear, that is what you are.. my son..)

Boy – trying to control the tears..
Girl – trying to control the laughter
Lady – trying to control the urge to leave the room

Cut !!

Guys, this is not some Ekta Kapoor Soap.. Meet Tallu (name changed), the lead character from the drama, cousin of Neha. Rest of the characters, now you can identify easily, girl is Neha, and Lady here is her mom. This is an actual incident which took place few days back.. so what better occasion than Rakhi to introduce you people with the iconic brother of Mrs. Gupta, who despite all this idiotic brainless bumbling, is my favorite brother-in-law (no pun intended ;)

Later on, I tried asking the moron, why the hell he needs to name a relation to some thing which it is not? If that will change his feelings or make them any better? But guess what, that sent him again into effusion and he was unable to speak for next couple of hours.. O god forgive me for the sins I have committed!!

Before our wedding, Tallu dearest went to Pune to help Neha in packing up with her stuff. In the evening they planned for some eating joint and Tallu, Neha and Shipra (a friend of Neha) started in an auto rickshaw. Neha was talking to me on phone and Shipra was joshing Tallu. For few minutes Tallu tried tolerating the inattentiveness from her precious little sister but then it became all beyond his control. Now what can a self-respecting brother do in such circumstances… so the superman decided to jump out of the running auto and so he did. I heard “Arre”, “What happened” and some other frantic babblings for some time and then line went dead. Later on, I came to know that Tallu just couldn’t tolerate this ignorance and decided to flee away from those insensitive thoughtless people. Now the scene was like -

Tallu jumped from running auto and started walking away
Neha almost jumped behind him and started following
Shipra too stunned to speak and then finally screamed “Abe Salo, ye auto ke paise kaun dega…” (you buggers, who is gonna pay for this auto rickshaw)

Now, a man of fierce emotions that I am, I had to ask the shithead, what exactly he was thinking that he was doing.

हम से रहा नहीं गया जीजा जी, बताइए हम क्या करते! (Sorry but I couldn’t control it)..
First of all, its maheep, I have told you hell many times, not to call me Jeeja Jee.
अब ये हम से नहीं होगा जीजा जी (Oh, I can not do that)

Later that night, I was telling Neha, we are not going to speak tonight.. why? She asked. Oh come on, you will be in train at that time and if Tallu will see you talking to me, he is gonna jump from train…


P.S. – All you brothers and sisters our there, learn to love and live from Tallu.. have a happy rakhi folks..
Desi meets NRI
Heye Maaaahip, hawdy! These were the words in the exactly same accent that came to me as I picked up the phone. WTF! I grumbled and looked at Neha. The smartass lady on phone was a cousin of Madame (which explains my courage to be able to give those looks), settled in USA from last couple of years and as the conversation went on, she left no stone unturned to prove this very fact to me.

For few moments I was in a quandary as the “typical me” from deep inside was like tickling hard to laugh hysterically while the little left hemisphere was getting too very frustrated with this shitty tone of hers. I have a standard technique for such self-acclaimed chinless wonders, and so I did by switching tracks to shudh hindi (our good old Hindi) and the conversation moved on like “Jee, main bilkul theek hu, aap kaisi hai” (I am perfectly alright, how are you?)

I imagine, for a moment or two, she must be thinking what kind of village bum, her sis (Neha) has chosen but then Ting! The MENTOS moment… and Ms. Bluestocking realized the sarcasm. Long forgotten Hindi with perfectly alright accent came back to life. I was so inclined to ask the jackass about this sudden transformation but then, whatever!!

Later on I was acquainted with some more esteemed facts like whenever Her Majesty visits India, the whole colony gets a pesticide treatment so that NRI couple and kids don’t get some ailment from dirty Indian suburbs. Not only that, whenever the kids try to learn or speak Hindi, they get spanked coz this might result in forgetting their command on English which I guess is the one and only omnipotent thing in this world to them.

Seriously people, what the fuck is this? You were born here, spent 25 years of your life in these streets, speaking Hindi, eating food from those road side shops, drinking this water and now 3-4 years in USA or some other western part of this world and you find it grueling to speak Hindi in right manner? I think its not grueling, they feel some kind of shame in speaking in their mother tongue. Sorry boss, but please do us a favor and keep your fat ass in your almighty west only. We are really really not interested!!


How to wreck your Sunday in 3 easy steps…
1) Wake up
2) Find a theater near you.
3) Watch the first show of “Kambhakht Ishq”

For better results, try going along with a hardcore Akshaya Kumar fan. All the more good, if that person is your wifey or girl in your life.

Rest assured, for the whole day you will be in a peculiar state of wooziness, palpitations, agitation, spasm, anguishes… Okay, I guess you got the idea. Some of you might also get a mild suffering of insomnia for next couple of days but research shows that though there are no medicines for it but the good news is, it’s a temporary situation and the best way to come out is to think healthy and try to distract your mind by forgetting about that distressful day.

Same therapy (read steps) can be used for several other causes as well. To name a few…

1) Vengeance guide for dummies Well in this case you will have to gift the ticket to your enemy ( mind you, “ENEMY” not “husband”)
2) What you should not do if you are in film industry.
3) The idiots guide to break up with your beau.
4) How to get a severe headache in 3 easy steps.

Now the good part is, once you are done with the exercise, you will be an all new, improved, super shakti vala insaan (man with super powers), confident enough to go watch any damn movie. For the simple reason, come what may, no one can bloody make a worse movie than this... so in any case, the odds will be in your favor!

Till then!! Keep singing… Bebo main bebo, dil mera le lo… @#!%^$#


Its only human to wish more…
We often see chained mails already floating around the corners, posted on blogs, but I am not really a big fan of that. To me, blogging is more about my own experiences and views towards any and every unimportant and insignificant thing around me. However, a few days back, one of my friends sent me some stuff, claiming it to be the original requests from various employees in company, made to the Facilities and Housekeeping. Now I must admit that I was actually ROFLing while reading this and thus couldn’t help but break my rule for not posting the forwarded stuff.

Before posting it, I tried to search on almighty Google to check if its just another forwarded email but no such sign, so I hope this is not the case and most of you have not read it already…

Oh, another thing I couldn’t help was to add “My Take” on these innocent and original requests. So here it goes…

*Request Detail* - I especially came in early to prepare for a meeting but hah, such a waste of time.. WHY on earth my pedestal is locked? I needed my documents in there now!! Any clue why my voicemail has been disabled??? I am just lucky that my laptop is still working, so you can get this request and have it timed that I actually came in early.

Oh, apologies… Please disregard my previous message? I was actually at the wrong aisle and desk.

*My Take* - Never mind dude! In fact, thanks you didn’t blame them for not providing an escort on door. After all you go there just daily… so quite understandable that you forgot!

*Request Details* - The Whiteboard given to our team is so big. Is it possible to replace it with a smaller one? We do not really have enough work to fill it completely and then it gives false impression about our performance.

*My Take* - So very innocent of you but if your team leader knows this?

*Request Details* - Wall clock in the conference room seems to need new batteries. I am quite sure it was not just me who imagined time had stopped, and trust me meeting wasn't that boring.

*My Take* - You know my friend, I was once in your shoes too (Remember kyuki saas bhi kabhi bahu thee), so while I can feel your pain but unfortunately there is not much that can be done about it!!

*Request Details* - Since I have come back from my vacation, I am unable to find my chair. Seems somebody has stolen it and then there is no spare one with both of the arms in place, working pushback and a decent cushion (To be precise, one that hasn't been eaten by hungry programmers!)

*My Take* - Thanks, now at least they have another reason to close down the office cafeteria.

*Request Details* - XYZ’s lips have turned blue and he looks very tired. It seems to me the secondary stage of hypothermia. Is there any chance to get the heating turned up (even switching it on would be a good start).

*My Take*- Oh that seems fair but then you must remember Mr. Darwin’s theory “Survival of the fittest”, so they might be just trying to train you for the sore conditions.

*Request Details* - The left wall in the men’s loo on 1st floor appears to have gathered a wide collection of what I can only imagine as boggy or some other nostril fungus. It has already been few weeks, so its safe to assume that either the cleaners are not doing the duties, or someone has a very regular habit with a great ability to shape his bogies to the same size and designs.

*My Take* - Okay for once, no comments.. but some nice observation and imagination you have!!

*Request Details* - Male Toilet on 2nd floor is freezing. The obvious functions for what a person usually goes there cannot be normally performed in such low temperature as there is a danger of freezing and body parts falling off. (Watch Terminator – 2 for reference) Can anything be done apart from waiting for winter to end?

*My Take* - Now this is a valid and genuine request. At least one should be able to do those normal functions in peace :)

*Request Details* - The Coffee pot in pantry 2 has a large crack and I am afraid its ready to explode in my hands, cruelly spreading boiled water all over me, leaving me unable to perform to best of my potential and thus endangering future of company.

*My Take* - This is due to you my dear friend why the company and the whole country have managed to survive. If it was not you where would they have been!!

*Request Details* - Is there any provision for footrest on desks? My feet dangle if I try to sit properly on the chair.

*My Take* - To start with, how do you manage to sit? Ladder? Or two escorts?

And the winner is –

*Request Details* - The 2nd stall in the Gents toilets on top floor has no lock from several weeks. I am afraid of running out of songs to sing. Could you please either get that thing fixed or may be provide a lyrics book from 90’s hits.

*My Take* - but why do you need to spend that much time there, ain’t you provided with a cubical as well?

1) Bought a Brylcreem and a fevikwik (can’t help it, they spell it like that only) and gave 50 bucks to the guy on counter.
2) Waiting…
3) Nothing.. zilch.. dud!
4) Started taping on counter on my imaginary bongo while trying to be a nice and patient customer, instead of messing up with him to hurry up.
5) Guy looking in my eyes with quizzical look.
6) Change!
7) Smiling… you gotta be kidding, you give me another 2 bucks.
8) Wat!!
9) Yes sir…
10) Damn!

Hell, where exactly this country is going… 50 Rs. used to be a big amount man!!

P.S. - Now If you are wondering about this strange combination of Brylcreem and Fevikwik, then let me tell you the top secret gharelu nuskha (home remedy) to prepare a perfect hair gel to attain that perfect hairstyle.

P.P.S.– Try this nuskha on your own risk. Blog writer takes no responsibility and cannot be held accountable for the results per se the actions taken with the information provided here. After all it depends on your hair type, tolerance level, belief in remedy and 9933488 other factors…


Image Courtesy : Google Image Search
Welcome to the Maharaja Experience…
In our recent trip to Thailand we got a chance to experience the grand and magnificent Maharaja treatment. Torn, rebuking, blaring… errr.. what kind of Maharaja treatment is that! Don’t sweat darling, welcome onboard to Air India. The world’s most preferred airline (as per a note from CMD of our beloved airline).

I might be sounding exaggerated but trust me that is how it was. As we entered into the aircraft, the first impression was quite similar to of a local city bus. The cabin crew had an expression as if they were just spanked and told to stay on gate as a punishment by Mr. Pilot. Come on guys… a rather smiling face won’t do any harm.

The temperature inside was as hot as it could be when ACs are not working. Fortunately it came to life after some time. My wild guess is that either we were plain lucky or may be they were just waiting to get the cart loaded with all passengers to save on some fuel. We somehow found the seats and as we tried to put our fat bums on it, there was a strange creaking noise. I tried to look around and discovered that the seat was thoroughly fastened by surgical tape at various places. Wow, now that is some in-flight experience for sure. Virgin guys… where are you? What about your button operated flat bed seats! You might take a tip or two from Maharaja to make them more comfortable. A further glance ascertained that we were not the only one chosen for it, most of them were in similar state. For some of them it was the arm rest, for others it was flip food tray or some thing else. Now, I am sure you guys are nodding your heads in disagreement, so here, take a look yourself.

At the time of take off, Neha wanted some ear buds so I tried buzzing the stewardess. Tring… waited for 5 minutes, no response, never mind, they must be busy some where else. Tring again... same… Tring again.. lost the hope. After around 10 minutes an Aunty (what else do you call a 40 something air hostess?) came huffing and puffing. We needed some ear buds but never mind we managed fine, but yeah, could you please get us some magazines, I said with a forced smile. What she came up with was “Swagat” (welcome), a leaflet kind of thing with a note from CMD and some other internal stuff on how AI is world’s most preferred airline and how thankful they are coz we are flying with them. (But thanks anyway coz that gave me the ID of the CMD for feedback, where I am sending the link to this post, with least hopes to get a reply)

During the flight when aunty was serving the drinks, a poor passenger on the next seat was trying to listen to some music on his phone.

Aunty (almost screaming) – ye kya hai? (What is this?)
Poor Passenger (PP) – blinked... astonished with the sudden attack
Aunty - HAI KYA YE… (WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS?), Mobile phone?
PP – yeah but this is in flight mode
Aunty – whatever, even this is not allowed, band karo ise (switch the damn thing off)
PP – but…
Aunty – grumbling while moving ahead… Flight mode, huh…
PP – too stunned to speak…

All said and done, we can easily argue that it might be one bad day or one bad flight and not all of their flights are like that (even I agree coz the flight at the time of going was not half bad) but I have just one question, that is, what image AI is trying to portray by offering this kind of aircrafts and in flight experience in their international flights. In the age of this cut throat competition where every other company is trying to come up with best quality and service, if this is what AI guys are trying to compete with?


Getting old’s a bitch…
Some times I think how fast the time is moving. You wake up in the morning, start your day in home or come to office with so many plans and schedules made for the day ahead, but before you can even realize or start thinking about doing those things, you see its 4 PM already. The productivity of the day so far… cipher.. null! You look back, where exactly the whole day went and absolutely no answer to justify. Days become weeks and weeks become months and we stand still, wondering how fast bloody life is moving. It looks like a fortnight when year 2009 was started and as usual I promised rather targeted for few goals in this year. Looking again at it, half the year is gone and I am definitely not the half way to do those things. On Mondays when I start the day, I see the whole week ahead with certain chores to be completed and just more than enough time for it, but next time when I look at the calendar, it already shows a Thursday and an unwanted haste starts running in already screwed up life, just to make the things happen somehow but actually making them all the more worse. 

The truth is, life as well as time is moving on its usual pace but its us, the human beings who have lost the synch with it. With the hidden desires and exhort to get more from every moment, the never ending yearn to achieve more and the craving to be ahead of everybody else has brought us to a place where we find ourselves so helpless and nothing but a slave to the clock. Every time we think about it, we make a promise to improve it once the current project or job is over, promise to the family to give more time just after these crucial 15 days, promise to give some time to ourselves once the current situations come in control, but do we really do it… nope! What we actually do is make another promise as per the new circumstances and that’s about it. 

That’s been said, I am not getting frustrated or pessimist here but guess about time to think again over this. I am sure we can not run in this speed for long. Another 5 years and we will not be able to do 15 hours a day in office, another promotion with some added responsibilities and even remaining balance between professional and personal lives will be lost, then why are we making all this so complicated now. Why are we trying to surround ourselves with the things which even we will not be able to deal with after some time? We are running in a blind alley while not even realizing for the moments lost and when we will realize, it will be too late for sure. Its now when we need to change ourselves and start looking at life in a more laid-back perspective instead of postponing it for tomorrow or next week or next month. 

Looking at the time, it shows 12.00 AM and here I am exactly 31 years old now. Damn! There goes another year from my life!! Nonetheless happy birthday ST! Have a wonderful year ahead...


Two Dorks… Part – 2
The next day on the spree was actually a disaster. T accompanied us along with kiddo as she had to buy some sarees. Now the kid is a little devil at times, especially when some thing happens which is not to her liking. Going out on shopping is some thing which I suppose she fancies all the time. Reliance Fresh, Life Style and few others of them are her all time favorites and she makes sure that no aisle is left from her scampering. The first stop was a Saree shop but the kid found it little too boring for her taste and started playing tricks in first 5 minutes itself to make us
 move ahead. When nothing else worked, she used her infallible weapon and a sound echoed in the store… “Mammaa Pottyyy” T’s face turned red with embarrassment. Its always the same, she mumbled, if she is not liking it, will do this coz she knows it too well that we cant ignore it. I don’t think we can stay here for more than 5 minutes while she tried engaging her with a chocolate. The kid however was determined and started singing the song.. potty potty potty... making us leave the store with our remaining self-respect. Though I must admit here, if it was not the kid, I had to do some thing like that. I some times pity those poor shopkeepers who deal with the customers from Venus, especially the saree stores where they unwrap hundreds of 5 meter clothing and they simply stand up and quit saying “kuch achha nai hai bhai saab” (I don’t see any good stuff out here) occupying the poor chaps for another hour of work to wrap them back. 

Coming next was a multi brand store. Me and M were talking about buying some trunks when M found a basket and waved a floral piece of cloth to me.. “how about this one!” There were few females right next to him who looked at him in pure disgust. Sensing those looks we tried figuring out what is wrong when I pointed him to the board just above the basket. The board read “Ladies Hot Pants”. T who was watching the whole episode just couldn’t handle it. “cant you bloody see it?”. She said almost fuming. Me and M was speechless for a while and then burst out in laughter. “How do I know yaar, I was just teasing him with a floral print for the beach” M said in his defense but T was not listening any more and we were literally dragged out of the store. 

On the next stoppage we did shop for few things but the gentleman at counter reported that this will be billed on 1st floor coz they don’t have this in system yet. So we placed ourselves in lift and waited for the 1st floor. The door opened and T ran through the counter. Me and M came out finding the ambiance quite familiar. “isn’t she the same girl who was there on the 2nd floor?” M looked around and said “Shit, this is the same floor, guess lift never went down.. where is T BTW?” The answer came shortly as T was humping back with those looks in her eyes. “Well, I think the button in lift has some problem and it didn’t work” I said but that was a lame excuse to say the least. T was pissed off by then and swearing never to go shopping again with us. We did try to console her with no success and thus ended another day!


Two dorks, two weekends and a shopping spree…
As you must have guessed by now, this post is going to unravel the mystery where I was lost from last couple of days, resulting in the drastic fall down in the popularity of my blog. Not that it was actually popular before but it sounds good at least!  Last two weekends were a frenetic and hectic experience for us as well as some of the stores in the city as we were on the mission shopping. “We” means me and my brother (M). Though at some of the places, his wife (my sis-in-law T) also accompanied us but in general she makes sure not to make this blunder when we two are together, reasons still unknown to us.

So it started with Diwan Saheb in search of a suit and as we tried to open the door, were greeted by thick smoke from several incense sticks lit in at least 5 places along with the sounds of "Om Namah Shivay” chanting. We were like stuck when I asked M what he was looking for. There should be a bell usually found in temples, he replied. Before I could fall on the floor while laughing, the salesman inside caught the attention

SM - Yes sir while we were still on door
In unison - Umm, do we need to put off the shoes before we come in? like we do in temples

He frowned but said nothing so there we entered.. After looking at several suits and rejecting them all

SM - Sir, could you please describe what exactly you are looking for
Me - Well, I don’t know but what I can describe is we ain’t looking for the ones you are showing to us. 
SM – isn’t it good to have it other way around sir
Me – *smile* #@$#!%^
SM - *thinking* feeling is mutual sir!! 

The next stoppage was “The Raymonds Shop” The salesman glanced at us from top to bottom and immediately lost the interest while noticing the stubble, old tee and the slippers. 

Me – we need two suit lengths.
SM –sir look at this one.
M – no we don’t need gray
SM – how about this one
M – oh I already have lots of blues and blacks 
SM – loosing even the remaining interest as well and indicating the stuff already spread on counter 

blue aapke pass already hai sir, gray aapko lena nai to phir to isme se he choose karna padega sir. 

(You don’t want blue, gray you already have then you will have to choose from these only)

M – so?
Me – mockingly gray tumko lena nai, blue tumhare pass already hai to phir inme se he lena padega na.
We – burst out laughing while running to exit.

Somehow the suit trauma was over after looking another 10-12 stores and having almost similar experiences. Reportedly some of them have already provided our snaps to the guards on door to politely inform that they don’t have any thing worth for the taste of these two gentlemen, should we approach them again in future. 

Having done the huge task M suggested celebrating this with a lunch before proceeding. 

Me – I am not sure, T must be expecting us at home with the lunch already prepared.
M - Take your pick, I suppose she has prepared some Dudhi or Tinda (Bottle Gourd or Round Gourd) or some thing 
Me – lets do it then but give her a call to get an idea of the mood. No?
M – hmmm.. calling her, so whats up!
T – Nothing, waiting for you two on lunch
M – Oh, I think we will be late, say another 2 hours
T – Hmm, you are not saying that you two are going to have lunch there
M – munching on a piece of chicken, well you tell me
T – you dare not
M – oh sure!! 

Later that day, when speaking to Neha

Me – today was such a hectic day, didn’t even have food
N – why not? you could eat outside
Me – well, we thought about that but then M said, T has already prepared lunch at home so it won’t be nice to leave her waiting while we are devouring in a restra.
N – See... He is so loving and caring, and look at you.. such a rude and inconsiderate guy.. 

sigh… if only she knew…  

to be continued...

(I can write another 2 posts on it but only if you are willing to tolerate, so do let me know) 


Not Again…
Last time when I did it, I promised myself to never do it again. I still get that urgggghh feeling when I think of it and how herculean task it was, but then thanks to Ms. Speaks, whose emosanal atayachar has made me do it again. I didn’t want all of you to go through this agony and pain to read ridiculous things about me, my life, my daily routine etc. but blame it to her holiness. So here I am once again with a senseless stupid tag…

8 things I am looking forward to

1) Lunch.. hell, I am starving!!
2) A payment which was supposed to arrive last week but thanks to some stupid mistake in wire instructions, no sign for another 2-3 days :(
3) My new Blackberry Storm
4) Watching “The Fast and The Furious 4”
5) My fiancé’s trip to Delhi for shopping, so that she stays busy there and I can sleep in peace for few days!! (me just kidding Neha, you know I don’t mean it dear)
6) Gawd.. isn’t 5 a good enough number.. just because the creator of this tag had nothing else to do or was looking forward to too many things, doesn’t mean that others are also that much well planned and organized and enthusiastic about the things coming up..

8 things I did yesterday

1) Woke up.. duh!! Big deal!!
2) Took bath.. oh wow.. thanks ST for being so kind and considerate to other people
3) Came to my first love, that is office.. (so many other things in between which are not worth mentioning here.. ;)
4) Did my routine chore of screaming at people.
5) Wandered on streets to finalize some bookings for Neha’s wedding. Bloody 3 hours.. that too on a bike in full pollution and peak traffic hours..
6) Had a hot raging discussion with a client about some crap issues
7) Attended an online webinar in office
8) A long walk in night before calling it a day

8 things I wish I could do

1) Buy Yamaha MT01 but I know the day I will mention it to dad, I will be seen flying out of the house from window, so need to play safe… 
2) Play Guitar
3) Have an isolated place where I could move when the world goes over my head.. happens quite often you see but can’t help it
4) Wake up early and stay regular with gym
5) Have a beach house (worry not.. I am gonna have it some day for sure…)
6) Do nothing when I want to 
7) Open an old age home (again, I am gonna do it for sure.. so its not some thing in the “wish I could do” list.. it is some thing in to “I will do it in my life time” list.)
8) Find the person who devised this tagging idea

8 shows I watch on TV

1) Friends – Star World
2) Movies when I get a chance... any movie for that matter... even Mithun Da :))
3) News some times, though I prefer reading it online

Hah..cant help it, that is all I watch on TV so impossible to reach to 8 points… and at the same time why the hell some one will be interested in knowing and then remembering the shows I watch on TV?? Huh.. any thing you see any thing.. just for the sake of tagging..

And I here by promise that I will never ever bug you people again with any tag.. and its not about you people, it’s actually a favor I am doing to myself!!


So finally Mr. Akshay Kumar and Ms. Aishwarya Rai were conferred with “Padma Shree” award this year. I am really surprised why it took so long to Indian Government in realizing their gigantic contribution to society, their enormous and not to mention larger than life involvement in making India a better place to live. Do you think its an easy job singing and playing around the trees, wrapped in classy chiffons or to publically compete in “my skirt is shortest and my cleavage is deepest” contests (where words “short” and “deep” change their meaning everyday) or to kick 15-20 goons all alone without any help, that too when you are being paid just over 40 million bucks for a whole 3 hour drama. You gotta be kidding man.. 3 hours of trauma and just 40 million!! That is seriously unfair buddy.. but look at them, how very kindhearted and noble, any thing for this society and public.. 

Hmm, enough of my crap but just can’t help it, coz I am actually amazed why are we so obsessed with these celebrities from cinema? People will be found standing in hot sun for hours just to get a glimpse of an actor or actress. There will be stampedes where a movie shoot is in progress, temples being made for actors (remember MGR) and what not. 

I don’t understand what the fuss is about? They are also human beings of flesh and bones like us and if we need to get an inspiration or make an ideal, why do we seek that in movie stars? It really amuses me when some one says that Amitabh Bachhan or Shahrukh Khan is his/her ideal. Gosh, can you tell me what good they have done to this society that we find a role model in them? Okay, they entertain us, they make us laugh or cry but that’s about it. I don’t get it why I should see my role model in some movie star, why not Ratan Tata or Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam Azad? At least they have done some thing worth in their life to make us proud and make this country come forward in some aspect. But who cares, these thoughts are for dorks like me and not for our respectable jury members who make these decisions. I was shocked how they could forget Mallika Sherawat and Rakhi Sawant… may be next year folks… 


Tag vag!!
Thanks to sawan and dewdrop, I have been tagged twice for this one in last couple of days and looks like this is one of the most popular tags these days. Reason being, wherever I go, I get to read 25 bizarre or pretended or fabricatedely overchic (there is no such words so don’t sweat) things about some one (okay, okay, some times truth as well). While I am not a big fan of these tags and at the same time not in the very best mood today to do such boring and weird thing but still thought of giving it a try. This is at least better than those idiotic questionnaire types like “What did you have as last beverage” (Fresh Blood, I am a vampire, do you mind!!). See, I told you, I am not in the best mood today but okay, here it goes.

1) Very straight forward, though most of the other peoples will find “rude” as more appropriate word and hell that is right… I don’t like people. No big secret it is. 
2) I hate fake relationships. If I like some one, I give my 100%, be it care, concern, fun, love or any thing for that matter. But… if I don’t like some one, I care a DAMN!! 
3) I am a workaholic by nature, rather by choice, and I am passionate about my work. When it comes to work, every thing else goes on second priority.
4) If I am not working, I am a slothful lazy ass who finds even blinking as one of the most tedious and laborious job. To check one of my those moods, one can see me on Sunday mornings when I am usually found spread on couch, sofa, chair, bed or even by the wall if nothing else works (read “available”). 
5) I love to dance and do keep trying now and then, here and there. Though its altogether a different story that those bloody steps never fall in place and it usually leaves the viewers with their eyes and tongue either popping out or closed so tightly with an expressionless face coz the overall visual experience exceeds the human tolerance level to 100 times. 
6) I love mornings and mostly in good mood at that time. One can usually find me shaking my bum and tummy hysterically in towel after taking bath and getting ready for office. As a relaxation to the family members, I don’t try my hands on singing and leave this part to the music system. 
7) I am a big shopping freak and really hate this squandering nature of mine. I make a mental note to control it every time I shop, but alas.. so far so bad… 
8) When I see small kids working in road side hotels or old frail people struggling for a living, it disturbs me like hell. One of these days I will really like, rather going to do some thing about it and need all the blessings which I can have. 
9) Music turns me on and no matter how the mood is, it brings a smile on my lips. Duh! No big secret again…
10) I am obsessed with my car and love long drives, and yes alone!
11) Silent walks in night.. any time…
12) I love rains, and most of the times, as the first drop falls, I rush to the car for a long drive with all windows rolled down and rain drops splashing on face.
13) I am quite short tempered when it comes to work and scream a lot. Some thing I need to change about myself.
14) Perfectionist with a pretty good eye to the minor details. Of course not when I am working, its for the others’ work :)
15) Avid reader, crazy for fiction… 
16) Not a food lover.
17) I am pretty good in playing with words and trust me it helps a lot when you are a manager ;) I often hear the term “sweet talker” about myself and hell its not like that man. Sadly no body trusts me :(
18) I have a really bad habit of picking mistakes and errors in other people’s work, no matter how he/she is feeling. Need to change of course :(
19) I was good with studies but never actually liked the idea of earning a degree just for the sake of it. The traditional education system sucks. Period!  
20) Okay now a confession for bloggers, I really feel uncomfortable with blog posts with poems. I am not good with it and clueless on how to react. So if you don’t find me posting a comment there, please excuse me.
21) Speaking about confessions, another one.. some times I like Himesh Reshamia, come on folks, he is not that bad. :P

Okay, that is it, oh yeah, its still not complete as I am supposed to write 25 things but I am leaving 4 for you guys as an open house. Feel free to ask any thing you want to know about me and I will love to answer. I know, it’s a pretty dumb excuse for not completing it but not bad for some one who hates tags and trying it for the first time. 

Cheers !! 

PS - hats off to vin who actually wrote more than 25 things, can I borrow some from you dear !!! 

"Still thinking", I am tagging you. Wow. its fun to tag some one when it looks like that he/she is going to hate it as much as I did :)
Not so rocking technology!!
Every now and then I feel, what would have happened to us (read “me”, don’t know about others and who cares anyways) if the technology was not moving at the speed as it is. More precisely, when I try to imagine myself born 100 years back, I find it almost unattainable to digest. First of all no blogging so what could I possibly do to vent out my frustration, my dislikes to most of the walking and talking structures, my mental aggravation to cope with the world surrounding me and so on. Then no business, where I am in today so no bread (with jam of course).

All in all, I love technology and it really fascinates me, but some times it works other way around and the so called technocrats become a victim instead. And trust me the wounds you get are pretty bad. 

To cut the long story short, when you use Gtalk, it allows you to sign in to two different machines at the same time, and every chat message appears on both of the systems in parallel. So few days back, I was using my dad’s laptop and signed in to Gtalk. Now the over smart fellow decided on its own that I want myself to be remembered there and took the necessary actions without making me realize the fact. I finished my work, signed off and easily forgot about it. Every thing was going as it should be, or at least looked like, till the day when I was talking to one of my friends from my office system. As it happens to all of us, I was in typical office mood like one can be after 8 hours of starting the day. The chat started quite innocently but pretty soon the sober looking white space became fairly colorful with various adjectives thrown in here and there, lots of 4 letter words used as prefix and suffix and so on. Again, I finished it off and forgot about it. Later that day, when I reached back to home, dad was like… Howcome your chats are appearing on my laptop from last couple of days? No.. shit! what chat??, was my reaction. Yeah, today as well when you were talking to “R”, it was all over my screen. I gasped for a breath while trying to find a suitable word but no such luck. Then as a sudden relief he announced that he had to go out at the very moment so he closed it at that time but I better fix it ASAP. I managed with “oh yeah.. will do it now..“

Later in night I was thinking, I am not that bad and dad must feel happy and lucky about it. This was just a chat between me and “R” but what could have happened to some one whose son was Casanova types. 

Girl 1 – Hi Sexy
Dad – Excuse me!! 
Girl 1 – Oh come on sweetiepie.. I am missing you soooo much.. ain't you missing me ?
Dad – See, I think you are mistak… even before completion, another window popping up

Girl 2 – Hey dude
Dad – dude? You mean dad
Girl 2 – Muaaaaah.. you are so sweet.. such a darling.. 

Another one in the mean time

Girl 3 - Why are you ignoring me these days cutiepie…
Dad – running for life…

Cheers !!

Video Time
Traditionally, I am not a big fan of online video streaming thing as most of the times I find the whole buffering and playing exercise so tedious that just can’t wait and end up in closing the window in first 2 minutes itself. So in a world where Youtube and similar services are such a big bang among the tech savvy and not so tech savvy guys, I find myself standing some where on the thin line in between of these two types. I can’t just ignore them, coz they keep flowing in my mailbox and then every second link or website these days have such videos embedded there. At the same time I can never gather much endurance to go through the whole ordeal and watch the complete video. In last couple of days there were two videos which attracted me a lot. To rephrase myself, the first video was some thing which really fascinated me and the other one was a great attempt from one of my team members here in office and thus worth mentioning here. 

To start with, Microsoft has released a video on how they envision this world in 2019. I wont say that I love Microsoft but I must admit when they decide to do some thing, they do it really big and in a delightful way, not to mention thoughtful too, very unlikely to their software and operating systems (no pun intended). So here Microsoft tries to see in future and two facts which I noticed especially in the video, the touch and voice based communication is going to rule and thus eliminating any need for additional mediums between user and the world. The second thing is that in the whole video they have emphasized on “Hindi” as the other language. I was surprised to see that instead of any other language from the world (Chinese, French or whatever) they chose Hindi, reasons still unknown to me.

The second video is some thing which one of my team members shot on the road. Our very own and beloved India TV has a service where viewers can shoot a video on some social issue and send it over to them. If it is worth mentioning they broadcast it on their website and reward the sender along with telecasting it. So Mitesh in our office shot a video and sent it to them and it got selected as best video for 4th March. He won a TV and DVD player and now seeking support from the viewers who can vote him and help making his video as best video for March. You can see his listing here

To vote him you can SMS “AV 04-03” on 5600600 from your cell phone. When he told me about it, I couldn’t help but asked how he shot this video. The instant reply was “I was going on flyover on my bike when I saw this and shot it with my mobile” My reaction was.. “wow, so some one carrying several milk cans on a bike is a social issue of great concern but how about some one shooting a video from mobile phone when driving a bike” I wish I could be there and shoot his video while doing it and probably I could win the best video award :)


Lazy Sunday Morning, Atif and a Book…
I really love Sundays. Not that it makes a huge difference in my adrift lifestyle but I guess some psychological notion works behind the feeling. However, there is a small problem… well, not actually small but with a huge brunt, and that is, my mum also shares the same feeling and eagerly waits for this very day while making several mental notes through out the week for the chores to be thrown in between me and my beautiful Sunday. 

Today as well, I was about to be kicked out from my shelter if I didn’t clean it up, so with a heavy heart I abandoned the TV and reached to the messy corner, originally labeled as my room. While hustling and tussling with the piles of old papers, I found an old, almost torn book and as I opened it, it drifted me to the old days… memories, so deeply rooted in me that I can never forget them. Atif was playing “Meri Kahani” on the music system and I was like floating in the moments from my past, my surroundings, my whole life. 

When mum n dad got married in 70’s, dad used to get 400 bucks as salary. Same with mum but still they did what I can’t even imagine this day. They made this house, brought us up with best of the facilities among all kids in our age group, saved for the life coming up and did whatever we can think of in a middle class family. When they built the home, immediately after the marriage, they were in such a debt that mum couldn’t even buy a new dress for next 2 years. Today, I earn more than that per hour but whenever me and my brother speak on phone, the favorite phrase about our present situation is “Hand to Mouth”. The value of money has changed for sure but more than that, its our mentality that has changed. 

I still remember when I was around 9 years old, dad bought me a yellow ball and somehow I left that in open sun and wrecked it. I think the cost was 8 or 10 bucks but with such an embarrassment and fear (coz I thought I have made a big loss and probably it was, considering their salary of that time) I asked dad, if I can get a new one and instead of getting angry, he was like.. sure my son!! Today I can’t remember when I thought twice before spending 100 bucks, on an useless item but when I look at dad, he still tries to save 10 bucks where he can, for example carrying the water from home instead of buying a Bisleri. How I wish, I could have even 50% of his good practices in life.  

When we were kids, Samurai Video Game was the most happening thing and I so wanted to have one for myself but I always knew I can’t, coz more than affordability it was about the needs. That was my wish, not need and I convinced myself that some day when I will earn, I will buy the best of the game station available in market. Needless to say, I can buy any damn gaming console today but I don’t. When I think about the reasons, I guess its coz I can easily buy it any given day and that is why it has lost its charm. As a human being only those things attract us which we can’t have. At that time, we had to wait even for the small things but after getting them it used to be such a feeling that I can’t express in words. Today, buying some thing no more makes a difference, probably coz I no more long for it. 

When the first phone was installed in our home, I was in such euphoria for several days, while telling the number rather boasting to any person who came across my way. Today, I guess its more than 5 numbers alone in my name but then what?. My first mobile handset was a used Samsung R220 B&W and after buying, I didn’t sleep properly for several nights coz I used to dream about it all the time, trying to play with it whenever I could. Today we have around 30 handsets (thanks to my profession, where we need them for testing) and all of them are the dream phones, one can have, but I don’t think I even look at it again after buying. 

My first (and last) girl friend and me used to talk about all this for hours. We didn’t have any money but what we had was far more important than that, and that was time and happiness. There were promises to buy her new jeans or a jacket or a watch when I will have some money. We used to roam around in market, highways (on my old Kinetic Scooter) while thinking about our future. Sit together on the floor of my room, just too happy by having each other itself, weaving small dreams about the life coming up. Whenever I could get some money, some of the promises used to be fulfilled but that was not very frequent. Needless to say, things are different now and not that perilous on financial front but what I don’t have now is time, happiness and above all… her. 

I think this is some thing where I will never get short on words and keep on writing for the ages and pages but better hold myself, or plan a part 2 of the post. By now you must be wondering what that book was… It was my first bank pass book. I opened that account in my early teens and the transactions were ranging in 50 to 500 bucks but every transaction had a story associated with it. To say, that I miss those times will be an understatement but what I can say very confidently is, any given day I will be ready to exchange my present with that past.


All in the name of work…
I am not sure how many of you have attended a typical north Indian wedding (salt in the wound, if it’s a large family) but if you had, then you must have perceived that the biggest charm for uncles and aunties and other overactive senior citizens, to attend the wedding is to update their very own personal encyclopedia and who’s who database with latest happenings in the family. And then of course exchange notes to reconfirm the newest discoveries.

Some of the evergreen hot-shot topics for the discussions are – 

- Why one’s son or daughter is not getting married and then with a remarkable combination of pain and worried expressions – tch, tch, (don’t know how to spell that sound, hope you get the idea) this is what happens if you don’t control the children in time, they don’t listen to you like this. 
- Why ‘a’ and his wife is not thinking of a baby, its already been 2-3 years to their marriage.
- Why ‘b’ and his wife is not thinking about 2nd baby, its already been 2-3 years to the first one.
- What kind of jewellery, attire one is wearing and on the basis of that, how they are doing on financial front.
- Who is spending how much of time on cell phone and then how many affairs he/she is having
- Current employment status for one’s son/daughter and what are the latest figures in pay checks. Quite obviously, when they take this much pain whilst coming to this point, comparison among them is warranted and they have to discuss who is doing best among all. 

Luckily I get an escape from most of the points as those are not applicable in my case but employment/work is some thing which I can’t avoid. Fly on the ointment comes in when its almost impossible to explain 60+ people, what exactly I do. Earlier, I used to make efforts to elucidate them but then I realized its kind of wrestling with pig in mud so now I nod in whatever they say. Hence different people have different ideas on my profession and still it is one of the biggest mysteries in our family. 

A typical conversation is like 

He- so what are you doing these days.. 
Me – umm, we develop software 
He – and what does that mean?
He – without even waiting for me to reply oh, I got it, you know, the 4th son of my sister-in-law’s daughter-in-law’s uncle is also in the same profession. He does this accounting work for various shopkeepers.. you do the same thing na.. 
Me – with a broad smile… you got it..  

Same thing happened in the recent wedding, I attended…

He – so what exactly do you do?
Me – we develop software for mobile phones
He – oh gotcha… you install those ring tones, wallpapers etc. in phones.
Me – mmm, actually more than that, suppose you need to have some software in your phone, we develop that.
He – puzzled.. fetches an ancient Nokia 3310, duly covered in lamination, from his pocket. Do you have some thing for this?
Me – oh, not for such advanced phones actually.. we work for simpler ones.. like Blackberries, Iphones etc. 
He – err.. black.. what?
Me – never mind.. 

Then my savior came in picture and shooed the earlier one away with “leave the poor chap alone.. This is altogether new generation uncle, you wont understand this..”

Then focusing on me

He – you know how these old people are.. they won’t understand how fast time is moving.. this is some thing only we people can think of
Me – hmm
He – the other day I was telling some one about your business and how fast this industry is going with MMS etc.

Now it was my turn for puzzled expressions..

He - oh BTW, do you have some latest MMS which you can transfer to my phone. Some thing really hot.. 
Me – tearing my hair… 

Cheers !! 

You have got a visitor…
There are times when I just sit and try to analyze myself. Lots of churning goes on at those times and in general, I have observed that I don’t like people. It might sound weird and creepy and you are free to imagine me as a rude, self-obsessed narcissist but that is how it is. Most of them irritate me to an extent where I feel like screaming and deem that world would be a far happier and livable place if it could get rid of some of the morons and some of the over intelligent (read smartass) people. Or at the least, almighty could do a balancing job by distributing some of the intelligence from these smartasses to their counterparts i.e. plain asses… Well, I am not sure if good god has any such plans in near future or not but as an alternative, (s)he (again, I am not sure if god is male or female…) keeps on sending some subjects to me, so that my belief stay intact. Today was the day, when god was in one of those nasty moods to test my patience and it started like – 

11.00 AM – Came to office, haven’t even finished the first dose of coffee

R (one of my PMs) comes in – there are 2 guys who wanna meet you.. 
Me – For?
R – Not sure, I tried speaking to them but they insisted to see you.
Me – Hmm.. send them in 

They come in, staring at the office… up and down, left and right..
I am silently praying its not an income or sales or service or whatever tax raid, you never know with those jerks nowdays

V – Nice office you have.. 
Me – fear getting stronger, Thanks!
V – Quite good for a computer repair business
Me – Excuse me
V – Huh… Nothing
Me – So how can I help you?

One of them gets the laptop from bag and places it on my desk

V – I wanna get some software installed in it, I have this list my kid gave to me (trying to find some thing in his pocket)
Me – Blink in astonishment (Now the pieces fall in place like why he said nice place for a computer repair shop)
V – How much would you charge for this?
Me – Sorry but we don’t do this, we develop software, that too for cell phones. 
V – Huh, but I was told that I can contact you to get this done
Me – I am sorry, but this is not what we do here, thanks…
V – Still sitting
V – Are you sure…
Me – !@#*^& Yes I am

12.30 Noon

Peon – some one is there for you...

V – I am AK
Me – expecting him to say more but he remains silent…
Me – So…
V – I was told that you will be expecting me
Me – But I was not…
V – Excuse me
Me – Err… never mind
V – You are M (a name quite similar to mine)
Me – Sorry but I am M
V – oh…
Me - @#^%$&

4.00 PM – sorry but day is not finished yet :(

R once again, there are some visitors for you?
Me – Not again.. 
R – Smiles
Me - What are my options?
R – None! One of them says, he is your dad’s friend
Me – Hmm…

Comes in and speaks non stop for next 5 minutes about how good friends he and my dad are, though its altogether a different story that I have never seen or heard about him in my whole life.

gives me an old pamphlet, pale and torn as if Columbus discovered it in one of his voyages

Me – So?
V – Actually, this is a computer institute (again blah-blahs for next 2-3 minutes) and its about the franchisee of the same.
Me – Oh so you are planning to take franchisee of this.
V - Not exactly, I already have that but I think I am too old and misfit for this so I was thinking probably you can take it and give me 25%, you can keep rest of it and thus it would be a profitable business for both of us.. right? 
Me – some silent curses and then goes another 5 minutes to explain him that I really am not interested 
V – Disappointed, while leaving
Me – BTW, tell me one thing, if I would really want to do some thing like that, why will I give you 25%... I can go directly to these guys and have a franchise in my name.. no?
V – Stares back at me
Me – Gee.. Thanks

Me - Screaming at peon.. come what may but no more visitors for next 7 days.. tell them that I am dead… 


Short and sour!
Obama’s swearing-in ceremony costs USD 170 Million… and they say its recession times hence economy is on low track and hence jobs have to be sliced off.. what a joke!!
If looks could kill…
In the building where we have our office, there are just two companies on this floor. First one is ours and the other is HP Service Center. Now it’s a thumb rule that each and every day we will have to tell at least 4-5 people that NOOO, this is not HP Office and then which office is this, is none of their bloody business (coz that is the immediate next question – @!#!@%^&). Though the poor HP guys have spent a hell lot of money on signage for main door, parking, staircase, office door and where not (even their loo) but who cares.. too indolent to glance upwards and read the board.. eh... The next unwritten rule of thumb is that if I am on phone, I cant just sit and will be found shunting in the corridor and visitors will be like.. Boss.. HP Office??? Of course I am talking on phone but so what…its taken for granted that my primary role there is to tell people how to glance upwards and figure out that if the board is there, its not a bloody mistake, the door must be opening into HP Office only. It might be that my face has ‘Navigator’ written all over it but now days I have devised a new way to deal with such shit. So a typical conversation is like -

Me walking in corridor

Visitor while standing in front of HP – Boss… HP Office?
Me – Point a finger to the board 
V – Smile with a “oh, how dumb of me” look on face
Me – "I know its dumb of you” look on face
V – is it closed?
Me – What do you see there?
V – "Puzzled look", Lock!
Me – Shrug – “There you are sweety” look on face 

you might ask, how does that help and to be honest, it does not.. there are same number of dumbasses asking for it but the looks afterwards on their face is worth all the pain and efforts... 

Cheers ! 

Auction… (On as and where available basis)
First thing first, this is not ST who is writing this post, instead, it’s his dad who is in the pilot seat this time. Now, you guys read it on your own risk coz there might be so many things which will not be to your liking, plus this is going to be a long post coz I feel it would not be possible to clearly describe the terms of auction and highlights of the item to be auctioned in concise. Then, I am really a fair and transparent man and don’t want to hide some thing and keep the scope for blame game later on. Needless to say, think twice rather thrice before commenting, coz that will include you in the list of interested contenders. 

You might ask, how did I manage to hack his blogger account, but that’s no brainer actually, coz I simply told him that otherwise I am gonna register a parallel blog and make sure that I write a post every day. You might also ask, how the hell did I come up with this idea but that is also a no brainer, coz it is the best place to post this kind of advert as that is where I have the brightest possibility of finding an equally moronic, bird brained blockhead (like ST) who will be interested in this type of auction. (If you do not agree to this point, ask any sensible person that why do people blog and I am sure he/she won’t be able to answer that). Also, If you are single, you need to make sure that your parents do not get a slightest idea of this and if you are already married and parent of a PITA (click on link if you don’t know what I am talking about), then you might use an idea or two from here.

To start with, let us get into a little background. There is an old song, Aadmi jo kahta hai, aadmi jo karta hai, zindagi bhar vo sadaye peecha karti hai (whatever we say and do, follows us for the whole life) and to be honest, some times I feel that the song was written with me in the mind of the lyricist. Or probably he made the same mistake which I did. No prize for guessing what mistake I am talking about. Around 30 years back, I made this blunder and the end result is here... Still following me no matter how and what I try to flee off. That is why, after much consideration and thought processing, I am taking this initiative to arrange an auction. 

The terms are quite different from regular auctions, as here the lowest bidder with the least counter terms will be the winner. Shipping charges will be incurred by us (with pleasure), maintenance charges for first 3 months will be paid by us in terms of not exceeding to “xx” INR, payable in advance and lump sum as per mutual agreement.  There is no such list as claim or warranty terms as that is ABSOLUTELY not available. 

1) The item here is a 30 something creature from the male species of the human races. However, he firmly believes, age is just a number and that has nothing to do with sharing the responsibilities, making sensible decisions or talks, do the things which human beings usually do (like marriage, kids, being social in relations and society etc. to name a few). 
2) When it comes to the tasks like cleaning up his own room, participate in family matters and sharing the household responsibilities like going to market for grocery or other shopping, his opinion about certain decisions etc., you can expect as much share as from a 3 year old. 
3) Though the creature mentioned here is working currently but has a strong longing towards retirement as soon as a suitable caretaker is found. The term suitable means, one who can pay his car installment (not to mention, these will keep on changing as soon as he gets bored of current one which happens whenever a new model appears in market), fuel cost, shopping bills, three annual vacations (lavish) etc. The detailed list can be checked in annexure –I here or obtained on request. 
4) He has a brother, though duly settled in his life with wife and kid but shares same feelings about the retirement and caretaker can thus expect 3 new add-ons to the original item auctioned any fine morning. 
5) Shopping to him means, buying a shirt or trouser with same shade of green or red or black or any color for that matter for 999th time, get his hands on latest gadgets and any other thing which has a circuit or gear in it. 
6) He firmly believes in the brand values and thus only branded clothes, shoes, shades, music system, phones etc. will do for him. However, when it comes for the shopping for other person (not to be done by him of course), he has a very liberal attitude as he also believes in Shakespeare (“Whats in name”) and obviously when the label /tag of the brand is usually found inside of attire, not visible to others, why to pay extra bucks from your hard earned money (your = caretaker, see he is such a caring sweetheart) for a damn label.
7) Watching TV means, putting it on mute while changing channels in every millisecond, and the music system playing the current favorite in full blast. During all this time, the creature will actually be reading a newspaper or book.
8) Listening to music means what is his favorite, which keeps on changing as you blink the eyes, in repeat mode for n number of times (no number can do justice here so let us stick to ‘n’). He is still searching for the music system (BOSE is preferred) which can play just the particular piece of a song in repeat mode.
9) If you hear hysterical sounds at 2 AM in night like some one is laughing while rolling on floor, there is nothing to worry about as the creature will be actually watching re-run of FRIENDS for 555th time or watching Jab We Met for 555555th time.
10) Expecting him to cook will strictly mean to boiling water, make coffee and in worst case, prepare Maggi. Nevertheless, cleaning up the mess in kitchen then after will not be included in cooking. 
11) A battery operated automatic stapler with 5 or more gears (even god almighty will have a hard time in finding out the role of those gears) or a Bluetooth toy car operated by mobile phone (didn’t I say about the belief that age is just a number and then as we all know men are the same like kids – only older - and usually prefer more expensive toys) are the gifts which you can expect from him as your birthday present and it should be adequate enough without any nagging. In case when he doesn’t really need any such thing, best wishes alone should suffice. 
12) Telling him to shave even once in a month is as big offence as asking Elizabeth Taylor, why she divorced his eighth husband? So you dare not bring up this subject and its suggested to develop a liking towards shaggy beards.
13) Sleeping at 3 and waking up at 10 is absolutely perfect timings and these can be stretched for 2-3 hours in special occasions like weekends, holidays and may be as per his mood (not more than 4-5 times a week). However, he is very particular about the diets, especially the breakfast (as that is the most important meal of the day) and expects it to be ready as soon as he is out of bed. Preference will be given to the caretaker who can derive some way to open up his mouth without disturbing the sleep and slip the breakfast in without him stirring up.  
14) Its advisable to get the food list approved for 1 week in advance, as he is very particular about it. 

Those are the core highlights of the item to be auctioned and you can express your interest by commenting to this post and we will immediately arrange the shipping within next 24 hours of signing the papers. As mentioned item will be auctioned on “as and where available” basis and can be inspected 24x7 hours for 365 days. The auction will be on first come first serve basis and the detailed list of features and terms can be obtained on request.

Happy bidding !!

Deadly embrace of relationships – Part 2
Imagine this – A and B are very good friends but A does not get along very well with C. Now whenever B speaks or laughs or shares some thing with C, it makes A depressed and hurt. According to her, if A does not like C, even B should cut off with her. Not only that, A does not even want to reveal this to B. To her, it should be an obvious reaction for the sake of their friendship. Apparently they end up with a bitter relationship and according to A it was all due to B, who was so uncaring and inconsiderate that she couldn’t understand her true feelings and continued a relationship with someone who was not her favorite.

Now, a more complex example (different from the above) – A and B are cousins and share very similar mindset and a pretty good friendship, which has nothing to do with their blood relation. However, there parents do not go along very well, coz B’s parents do not have a good impression of A’s parents and hence A, or vice versa. Despite this reluctance, B does not care about it and continues to be friends with A. Now B is going to be married and expects A to join little early to be with him for the most important occasion of his life. On the contrary, A’s parents are not very enthusiastic about it coz according to them, it is B’s parents who are supposed to invite them properly and ask for it. As per their opinion, why should A go when B’s parents don’t really like it! Quite conveniently they forget that it was same for B but he always made best of the efforts to keep the relation alive and pleasant. A is stuck between his parents and B but can not do any thing coz he does not want to upset either of them. The false egos of the parents ruin a relationship which was far above than all these immaterial issues. 

Sounds familiar? I guess yes… We face similar situations in life all the time and end up in loosing a precious relation which was worth all these fake attitude related problems, but we hardly learn a lesson and repeat this over again. When we love some one, why do we want him/her to create a sphere around and do only those things which are good to our liking? Why don’t we realize that we should not force some one to act as we please, just because we are friends!

Friendship or any other relationship for that matter is supposed to be shared by two individuals but then why do parents or other members in our surroundings, expect those individuals to be nice with them as well. If I share a good relationship with someone, why that ‘someone’ is supposed to have an equally nice relationship with rest of my family? No two persons are same, then how can we expect two families to be similar. While actually it was supposed to be a relation between two individuals, it is expected to be a relation between two families. When 2 individuals were supposed to deal with only their egos and attitudes, now it’s the ego of 10 persons (thanks to the families) which is required to be dealt with. Why every relation has to have some strings attached to it? In today’s world when we are already so stressed and striving for some good relations and friends in our surroundings, why do we make them so complex and end up in impairing the relations for the sake of others who are actually supposed to be totally irrelevant in it. 

Alas, I don’t have any answers for all these questions but needless to say, I am damn so frustrated... I don’t even know if you will be able to relate to the characters or make sense of it while reading but cant help it… coz that is how I feel... frustrated!