Wobble Bubble

Have you ever noticed how many jerks are rambling open in this world who should have never actually been allowed to come out of the primary schools. They will look like our regular next door guy but with a catch, and that is, they never actually came across the basics of a civilized society. They wander open in streets threatening to humanity and can be found everywhere without putting in any major efforts. If you ask me, now when they are already out and probably too old for schools, only other suitable place that comes to mind is perhaps a zoo.

The subjects here can be divided in several categories and as it will not be possible to cover them all in a single post, I will start with a generic category which is usually found on roads. You don’t really need to hunt for them, count 1, 2, and hey presto! There they are… honking with all their might. No left, no right, no rules, no regulations, just honk honk honk. To quench my never ending thirst for erudition, I decided to interview some serious gamers in the field with just one question, why do people honk! So here we go…

Style uncle style! Gotta noticed by chicks, aap nai samjhoge baba, tez gadi chalane padta hai, ladki log ko impress karna padta hai (you won’t understand old bag, need to drive fast, need to impress the gals)

Puzzled.. am I? heh heh!!

Tanne ke? Mhari gadi, mhara horan, tanne ke panchayant hon laag ri hai? Aur ib side main ho le, varna mar mara javega (None of your bloody business. My car, my horn, who are you to ask? And BTW, stay out of the way or will be flattened here only.)

Gadi ke peeche dekho saab (look at the back of truck sir)

In colorful letters it had written -

Bus saab is liye ye horn se he music baja baja ke khush ho lete hai (so sir, I try to please myself by playing some music with this horn)

Then suddenly some loud folk music echoed in the air, I tried to figure out where it was coming from and saw a camel-cart on the far end of road. As it came nearer I asked the villager riding on it. Hey what’s wrong, why this loud music?

(What to do sir, no horn in my camel-cart so trying to please myself by this music only)

Till then, keep honking…

Cheers!

A week or so ago, I noticed that the silicone is wearing in my shower. While I have been trying to do everything to avoid having to repair the shower it has come time to do something with a bit of black mold behind the silicone.

So I make the inevitable trip to Home Depot (not sure if you have one of these stores but if you don’t they will come…invest in them but don’t ever shop there). I ask one of the many ‘helpful’ people there who simply tell me to remove the silicon, clean it really well and replace it. All you need is a few simple supplies and it’s a piece of cake. Cake I think, yeah right. I have no choice so I buy the simply supplies and walk out the door.

I start hacking away at the old silicone around the shower but I of course, cannot get in between the glass and the silicone on the glass door. So I again, make another trip to Home Depot (aka hell) this is the inevitable Home Depot scam #1 – you ALWAYS end up going back and forth because they ALWAYS forget to mention something, don’t tell you how much you need, or something doesn’t work. I chat with some ‘helpful’ staff who don’t know what I am talking about – I’m smart enough to take some photos (this is a must for any Home Depot question because they never know what you are talking about when it’s close to lunch) and they tell me that I have to remove the glass. Removing the glass no longer sounds simple. I drive home and start taking apart the door to remove the glass. Of course, the bolts will not undo (this is Home Dept Scam #2 – the necessary bolts never unscrew). I drive back to Home Depot to buy some WD-40. A few hours later, the glass is amazingly in one piece and I now have the silicon trim. I am proud! Again, I drive back to the minimum wage workers at Home Depot hoping for an easy solution and show them the piece I need – after going around the entire store, waiting for people to come back from their break and being passed on from one department to the next, I am eventually told that they don’t sell any bathroom trim pieces (Home Depot Scam #4 – they never have the pieces you require but are happy to sell you an entire new kit). Now, I am angry with myself for getting in so deep and not listening to my gut that this entire idea was stupid and it would be best to let the shower completely mold until it fell apart. So the next day, I spend a good chunk of it calling all around the city looking for a replacement. I find one place where the man actually seems to know what I’m talking about.. Naturally, they are located across town, a 40 minute drive each way with no traffic and over two big bridges which at any given time could have an accident on them. The next day, I do the trip, find the place only to be told they don’t have it in clear. Oh well, black, clear, whatever. Plus, I figure in the future, no one will see any black mold because it will be hidden in the black trim.

Come home and finally think that I can start the ‘putting it back together stage’ except I need one final run to Home Depot for some new screws. Of course, after scowling through 500 little boxes of screws with most of them meant for 7 foot apes, I find someone who works in the Department (yes, Home Depot Scam #428 where people can’t actually help a customer in another department) only to be told that they don’t have the ones I require. The man suggests I visit a specialty store not too far away. I finally get the screws and return home. It’s now taken me a half of a day to get a piece of plastic and eight screws. I should have just bought an entire new shower for $1,000.

So finally I begin the new silicone installation, I have a silicon gun, gloves to ensure the stuff doesn’t get on my hands, etc. etc. An hour or so later, I have one side panel on – it looks pretty good. Then I realize that I can’t install the bottom plate with the side panel on. I have to remove it. So I remove it, go to remove all of the silicon and of course, cleaning it makes a huge mess. Now, I’m not happy. I spend three more hours removing the new silicone. There is a big mess in the washroom, in the kitchen and everywhere in between because the silicon sticks to everything including myself, my clothes and socks.

This brings me to today. With another trip to Home Depot to buy more ‘supplies’ including another bottle of silicone and gloves, I begin again. All and all I do a pretty good job. I follow the instructions of putting a line of tape, putting a bead of silicone. No one mentions for how long I am to leave the tape and silicon on but I do large portions and remove the tape and for the side panels it appears to be working. However, on the bottom there is a bit of a gap between the silicone and the bottom panel which is obviously crucial to ensure the wood behind the showers doesn’t get wet. So I push the silicone down. It looks like crap. I call my Dad, he tells me to get rid of the gloves, lick my finger and just run it along the bottom. Hmmm I was told not to get it on my hands but now my Dad is telling me to lick my finger….it doesn’t sound so healthy… but at this point, I don’t care. I can eat a bit of silicone or go insane removing it all again and tossing it over the balcony and ending up in jail. I work away for several more hours thinking about how I am going to explain why a certain plan isn’t done and figure someone might laugh hard enough from my stupidity to forgive me for a day or two. I work away while thinking about business ideas and the irony of improvement business. ‘Home Hardware - Home of the Handy man” If I could find one there who would do the job I’d shop there but wait, they don’t shop there either. Home Depot’s slogan ‘More Saving. More Doing” Yeah, apparently opportunity cost aren’t calculated in this equation - you save $5 and spent a week of your time. There’s a bargain. So eventually, it looks pretty good but I don’t feel well. I feel nauseous!

I get up and try to figure out how to put the door on but can’t remember how it was done and logically, the door holder and the glass metal doesn’t seem to make sense. The door is now sitting against my dining room chair in the washroom. Perfect!

With several hours sitting on the floor of the shower installing silicon, how about a ‘Dog House Eliminator’ App – it’ll remind you of events and give you ideas of what to buy and what’s expected?

Perhaps tomorrow, I might get the door on.

Cheers!

Its 3.00 AM in night. Don’t feel like sleeping. Well, I tried but no such luck. Feeling like writing.. hmm… but what? My mind is wandering in all directions. I suppose, germs in my brain are some extra active and restless kindda souls so lots of churning as usual. I can probably work. There is a mail I was supposed to reply 2 days back but at this time am not able to think straight so not a good idea. If she (client) gets to know that I chose to write a blog post over her work, I am a dead man. But still, not in the mood right now. You know what, lucky are people who fall in sleep immediately after getting into bed. Wifey is a good example who sleeps like a drunk. The moment she closes her eyes, she is asleep. Then there is me who fights with himself every night to slumber and finally when it happens, no more than 2-3 hours.

BTW, have you guys encountered the jerks when trying to withdraw money from ATM? These ATMs are supposed to make our lives easy but most of the time end up making it all the more miserable. Thinking again about it, its not the poor ATM, its us, we the people. Anyways, I suppose, there is nothing else to write, so let me try to classify some popular categories for the dumbasses found in ATMs

1) Slow and steady – They firmly believe in living life leisurely. Even if the queue outside is a mile long, they will enter in the booth as if walking in the garden. Spend another 3-4 minutes in finding the card in pocket or bag or whatever secret place they choose to store their valuable possession. Needless to say, they will read each and every instruction/step on screen and then carefully make a choice. Once the money pops out, another 2-3 minutes to count it twice or thrice. Just in case the dumb machine has decided to cheat on them. By the time they come out, most of the people are either calling names, or left in search for other booth or postponed their withdrawal.

2) United we are strong – When someone actually thought of these machines, they imagined of a single person operating it and thus designed the booth to accommodate only 1 person. But then there are few shitheads who just don’t get it. This kind of people will be found stuffed in ATMs unless there is no more room even for air. I have no fucking clue what exactly they do inside or why do they need to go inside in company but when you are alone and they are at least 5, its not a good idea to ask. Is it?

3) Hey its Sunday, let us train the family – I once happened to stuck outside of an ICICI ATM where some jerk was trying to teach his kid on how to operate this miraculous piece of modern machinery which eats your card and pops out money. For first few minutes I didn’t get what exactly is going on but then the smartass started with the 2nd kid and I literally lost it. I barged inside and he was like.. hey don’t you know, you are supposed to wait outside when someone is already in. What happened next is enough material for another post but trust me it was not nice :)

4) I need to use it now, I mean right now – These people somehow missed the primary classes when they were supposed to be taught about things like waiting, queue, patience etc. They will come straight in, totally ignoring your presence inside and start staring as if you are committing some kind of crime. Best part is, most of them are well educated or at least look like that. Try to question them and all you will get is... its so hot outside or hey I am not gonna steal your password or money and so on. Oh what did you say? Guard? Come on, its so hot and thus he is already in, resting on the floor in comfort of AC.

5) Oh what was my PIN once again – I don’t know why the hell banks made this whole process so difficult? I mean 4 bloody numbers for the PIN? Are you nuts or what? How are we lesser mortals supposed to remember such a long and difficult combination? Oh yeah, let us do one thing, write it on the back of the card itself. So these morons will insert the card, attempt 1 or 2 wrong passwords but then its so damn difficult. Hence cancel the transaction, card comes out, check the PIN, insert again. Finally ATM surrenders, money comes out and bingo!! We are done.

Hey I managed to pass almost 15 minutes and this can go on but I am supposed to pick up mom n dad from station in morning 5.00. I have got almost one and half hour so better I try to sleep again… good night folks.

Cheers!!

Couple of years back when our beloved Ekta Kapoor stormed the Indian television with her shoddy and sappy soaps, I used to think, nah, this cannot really work. Its just a time being phase which will fade out pretty soon. I don’t need to mention, how very wrong I was. Quite soon every channel had at least 20 creepy shows of their own. All they needed was some wanna be actors, an out of work sound engineer to record thud-dish-dhum-thud sounds and someone with Parkinson’s to operate the camera in full zoom 10 times in a row on the face or eyes or legs of those so called actors. Rest assured that whole bunch of dumbass people will be watching them religiously to shed tears and rock the TRPs.

Then came the reality shows time. I don’t remember watching even a single show but it was very in. At that time, I didn’t bet on their success or how long it will go but thought it couldn’t go worse than this. Sigh… time proved me wrong once again and there came so called laughter shows. The only idea of humor for those perverts was cross dressing and cracking cheap jokes with some pre-paid guests to laugh on each and every word uttered by those gender-benders.

Now when they already had the rock bottom touched, what next? Come, welcome to the era of “The Perfect Bride” and “Rakhi Ka Swaymvar”. By then I had already stopped watching TV and worrying about their standards but I used to feel so irritated and frustrated that I was like screaming if I saw someone watching that shit. Come on people, you can’t bloody blame the producers coz its us who make these shows hit and invite them to line up with all the more shitty stuff. However, this is a weird world and all the more weird is the breed of TV producers so now we have “Raaj Pichale Janam Ka”. I am not sure how can someone in right state of his/her mind tolerate this hogwash but as it shows lots of people do stomach and even believe this trash. In past few days I have seen several people expressing their urge to be part of this show so guess the producers are right once again.

As they say, it’s the consumer who drives the market, not the other way around so its no use my grumbling here. Let us be prepared to watch porn shows, beer bar fights, go-go dance competitions and sorts in near future. As far as TRPs are rocking and money is rolling from SMS polls, keep em coming…

Cheers!!