Few days back we published an advert in newspaper for developers and some other posts like content writing and online marketing. During the process of scrutinizing the right candidates, I also got the pleasure of talking to some real gems. I don’t think it will be the only reason if I am found in a mental asylum in couple of years but there will be a huge contribution to these adverts which we keep on publishing on regular basis. So, here goes the collector’s edition of these not so rare gems.
Without bothering to introduce or wasting time on hi hello
C - Is it xxx-xxx-xxx
Me – Yes
C – So what is the profile of your company?
Me – and what is it regarding?
C – You have this advert in paper for job requirements.
Me – Well, in that case, don’t you think, I should be the one asking for this question?
C – Umm, I am xyz and I have completed my engineering and... some blah blah blah
C – May I know who am I speaking to?
Me – Maheep
C – So Pradeep why..
Me – M A H E E P
C – Yeah Sandeep
Me – cutting in between... Mail me your resume and we will see.
C - Why don’t you text me your address and I will bring it in person and then we can speak further.
Me - Why don’t you shove it up in your… arsehole
C – Hi, my name is XYZ and I am a network engineer in YYY but I am looking to change the profile and wanted to know more about your institute and courses you are offering.
Me – Where exactly our advert says that we run an institute and offer courses?
C – It says .Net, C++ and all that
Me – Yeah, but if you put in a little more effort, it also says we need software developers.
C – Oh! Is that so? You are looking for software engineers and it’s not about training?
Me – Precisely
C – Umm, you have mentioned .Net in the advert so that should be for network and in that case my current profile will suit you.
Me – What did you say? You are an engineer?
C – Yeah
Me – Computer Engineer?
C - Yeah
Me – Ever heard of Google?
C – Yeah
Me – Then use it shithead, to find the meaning of .Net
In reference to your advert for the post of software developers, I have sent my resume on xx-xxx. This is to remind you, if it meets your expectations, call me.
So what are you? Godfather? Chota Shakeel?
Mind it, I am not exaggerating. It’s copy-paste from the Godfather’s email and same with the phone conversations. I think I have all the reasons to feel blessed that I didn’t attend all of them. Otherwise… god save me…
That reminds me of my first meeting with my father-in-law who didn’t have a clue about software industry and quite naively he asked. So son, where do you procure your raw material from? So folks this is our raw material, man power, and this is how we procure them.